


Bigfoot Valley CIA part 2

by KurtPikachu2001



Category: American Dad!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2181219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurtPikachu2001/pseuds/KurtPikachu2001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And now here's part 2!  Stan is still deteremined to get Bigfoot.  Prinicipal Lewis intrudes.   Roger keeps hazing Stan.  Steve's plan to have a peaceful campout with his friends is interupted.  Will Stan get the recognition he wants?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bigfoot Valley CIA part 2

Scene 7:

 

Nightfall finally came as Roger and Prinicipal Lewis see a mysterious dark figure walking around miles away from Stan's campsite.

Roger: Think we see him! That's Bigfoot!

Lewis: No, it's not. I think it could be Slenderman!

Stan (running up to the tent): Bigfoot? Where? Where? Where! 

As Stan grabs his binocoulers he looks at Bigfoot from a distance. 

Francine: Did you finally see him?

Stan (looks though his binocoulers): Yes! It's him! Looks like Bigfoot! Feels like Bigfoot! (sniffs) Smells like Bigfoot! Tastes like Bigfoot! 

Roger: Don't just stand there and talk! Shoot him!

Stan (slaps Roger): You don't tell me what to do on my haunting expedition! Sometimes I think you have ODD! 

Roger: ODD? Is that some kind of female genital disease?

Stan: Oppositional Defiant Disorder! 

Francine: Stop fighting you two! Bigfoot is way far away from here. Think of something to get him! 

Klaus: I remember seeing on the Youtube video of that episode of In Search Of, the guy who wanted to catch him used some bait and lit it under a flashlight.

Lewis: That's great! Let's find some kind of lure!

Stan: Yes, we do need some bait!

They all look at Klaus.

Klaus: What are you looking at me for?

Roger: Ehhh, don't think Klaus would be good for bait. We need to think of something bigger!

Stan goes to get his gun and some rope. Then Stan goes to talk to Francine.

Francine: Did you figure out what you want to use as bait?

Stan: We should use Prinicipal Lewis as bait.

Francine: Really? Why?

Stan: Come on, Francine. We need to get rid of him. Aren't you tired of his black ass always butting in on our family and making everything be about him? I swear he's like the black Sofia Vegara!

Francine: But, I thought he was the friend of the family. We can't do this, he's black! 

Stan: He's not! He's a pathetic loser moocher! Don't matter what color he is! He was on drugs for God's sake! If we don't act now, he'll take over our family and possibly our whole show! Who knows? If he let him take over our lives, there could be a spin off in the picture! 

Francine: You're right, Stan! Let's do this! I'm done enabling him.

Roger: We're going to use Lewis as bait?

Stan (hushes): Quiet Roger! Shut your mouth and don't say anything!

Francine, Roger, and Stan walk up to Prinicipal Lewis.

Lewis: Did you guys find something?

Stan: Yes we have. Come with us! (smiling slyly)

Francine, Roger, and Stan lead Prinicipal Lewis to a tree.

 

Scene 8:

 

Prinicipal Lewis was advised to stand next to a tree.

Stan: You'll be fine right here. (calling out) Okay, NOW! 

Francine and Roger come out of nowhere and tie up Prinicipal Lewis!

Lewis: What is (beep) is this! 

Roger: We're using YOU as bait! Shocking plot twist, eh?

Lewis: This is an outrage! I'm calling my lawyer! I'm calling the NAACP! I'm calling the National Guard, I'm calling ACLU, I'm calling Jesse Jackson! Better yet! I'm calling Al Sharpton! And then I'm calling....

Roger tied up Prinicipal Lewis from his neck down to his ankles. Francine gags Prinicipal Lewis's mouth as Stan gives Roger a gun. Stan gets a flashlight.

Lewis (voice muffled): Mmmmmm! Mmmmm! Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm!

Roger: What's that Prinicipal Lewis? Are you singing that Crash Test Dummies song? Can I join? (singing) Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm! Once there was this kid who.....

Stan: STOP! Am I the only one who's serious about this? This is how it's all going down. Roger, you hold the gun and be on standby. And I'll light the flashlight on Prinicipal Lewis!

Roger: Aye Aye Your Hiney!

Francine: Don't let Bigfoot get away! He's coming!

The myseterious figure believed to be Bigfoot sees Stan, Francine, Roger, and a bound and gagged Prinicipal Lewis.

Roger: Are we racist for this? (holds gun) 

Francine: No.

Stan (calling out): Bigfoot! We know it's you! Come on down and get some food! (lights flashlight on Prinicipal Lewis). Get ready to shoot Roger! 

Roger was calling out to Bigfoot as Stan lit the flashlight on Prinicipal Lewis repeatedly.

Stan: We have a nice delicious black guy for you to eat!

Roger (calls out): Come and get your lunch! Black guy! Black guy! Black guy! Black guy! Black guy!

The mysterious figure turned out to be Bigfoot who was running towards the campsite and finally arrived on the scene.

Stan: All right! Awesome! Radical dude! Bigfoot is here! We did it! Roger SHOOT HIM! 

The mysterious figure walks it's way to Prinicipal Lewis and breathes on him. Roger shoots at Bigfoot but misses, and Bigfoot carries the tree Prinicipal Lewis is tied to and runs away. Prinicipal Lewis's gag falls off and screams on top of his lungs 

Roger: Awww, son of a bitch, I missed! 

Stan: How could you miss that? We were so close!

Roger: I have horrible aim.

Bigfoot carries Prinicipal Lewis and runs away until he finds a cave. 

Stan: Let's chase him! 

Francine: I think he went that way!

Roger: (sighs) Must admit. I'm attracted to Bigfoot's brute strength!

Stan: Must be your gay side talking. After him! 

And with that, Stan, Francine, and Roger chased Bigfoot into the night. Meanwhile, Klaus is left alone in the tent.

Klaus: Uhhh, hello! Klaus is still here. Don't you forget about me! This whole Bigfoot thing was mein idea! 

 

Scene 9:

 

In a cave 2 miles away from Steve's campsite. Bigfoot has Prinicipal Lewis trapped inside.

Lewis: You'll never get away with this! I'll escape! You'll go to prison for false imprsionment of a black man! 

Bigfoot has the cave enterence blocked.

Lewis: You don't scare me you big fat Eegah wannabe! I was powerful connections! I'm more than just a high school Prinicipal! 

Bigfoot roars in Prinicipal Lewis's face.

Lewis: Ohhh, if only someone can save me. Hey, I know. My insurance can save me! (singing) We are Farmers! Ba Da Da Da Da Da Da Da!

Bigfoot gets a big pot of water and lights a fire. Prinicipal Lewis struggled against his constrants.

Lewis: Dammit! Wrong insurance. It usually appears before me. I got another one. (singing) Like a Good Neighbor! State Farm is There! (beep) Nothing! That usually works.

Prinicipal Lewis jumped to the enterance as he was still tied to a tree. Bigfoot won't let him leave as he was blocking his path.

Lewis: What I wouldn't give to be Drew Barrymore in Charlie's Angels by now. 

Meanwhile at Steve's campsite. Snot, Steve, Barry, and Toshi were still singing around the campfire. Toshi was playing guitar. 

Steve, Snot, and Barry (singing): Well, life's on a farm is kinda laid back, ain't much an old country boy like me can't   
hack. It's early to rise, early in the sack thank God I'm a geeky boy! 

Then Steve and his friends heard a scream.

Snot: Did you hear that scream?

Steve: I sure did. That sounded like Prinicipal Lewis. 

Barry: It was. Know that scream anywhere.

Toshi (in Japanese): Now you're getting smart.

Steve: Come on, let's go save Prinicipal Lewis!

Then Bigfoot comes onto Steve's campsite.

Snot: Say, isn't that Bigfoot! That dude your father is after?

Steve: It sure is. But what can we do? We're just a bunch of geeky wimps. 

Barry: We don't know hand to hand combat.

Snot: How can we save Prinicipal Lewis if this guy is blocking our path?

Steve, Snot, Barry and Toshi stood helpless as Bigfoot was standing over them. Stan, Francine, and Roger were following Bigfoot's tracks and they were approaching both the cave and Steve's campsite.

 

Scene 10:

 

Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi find themselves facing the wrath of Bigfoot who was standing next to them about to roar.

Snot: I guess this is why people keep telling us geeks to 'man up'!

Steve: This was supposed to be peaceful and non-violent!

Barry: What'll we do?

Toshi takes out a sword.

Snot: My religion is a very vengeful one. We Jews tend to be violent once in a while.

Steve: You know what? Let's not stand around like a bunch of fraidy cats anymore! Let's fight!

Barry: Kick some Bigfoot ass!

Toshi (in Japanese): I'll be the one that does all the fighting!

Steve: We'll do this for Prinicipal Lewis! That dickhead kidnapped him and now we'll fight together to rescue him! Let's GO!!!!

Barry: For Prinicipal Lewis!

Snot: For Lewis! 

Snot, Steve, Barry, and Toshi all fought Bigfoot with sticks, rocks, and even punched and kicked him. Toshi did karate until he finished off Bigfoot by decapatating it's head. Then Stan, Francine, and Roger arrived at the boy's campsite.

Francine: Steve! Are you okay, sweetheart?

Steve: We're fine, Mom.

Roger: Looks like those geeks beat you to the punch!

Stan: Steve, why did you.......this was supposed to be.....

Steve: We did it because he abducted Prinicipal Lewis.

Snot: We're sorry!

Stan: Am I supposed to tell the CIA that a bunch of geeks killed Bigfoot when I was going to?

Then they see the decapatated head and body had no blood. It turns out to be a costume. 

Stan: Hmmmm, that's odd. Why isn't there blood? There should be blood and organs rushing out like a sea of humanity!

Roger: As Velma from Scooby Doo would say, 'Jinkies'! It's a costume!

Francine: You're onto something there, Roger! I know who it is! It's Krungel!

Stan: What are you talking about?

Francine: If you look at it closely, that costume looks more like a dog than it is Bigfoot! 

Roger: Who the (beep) is Krungel?

Francine: He's an evil god from a cult called 'The Flock of The Grey Shepard!' You know from the final season of Wilfred!

Stan: Francine, Krungel and Wilfred were just figments of some mentally ill character's imagination! 

Roger: If you had watched the series finale, you would know that.

Francine: I didn't want to see the last episode because I was just too sad to see Wilfred go!

The costume starts to move.

Steve: Oh my gosh look!

Barry: It's being resurrected!

The costume stands up and a black hooded head comes out of it. 

Roger: It's Mammee!

Hooded Man in Costume: The blond bimbo infidel is correct! Where is her barqa anyway?

Stan: Who are you?

Hooded Man in Costume: I am a leader of a cult. The cult I am in charge of is for the terrorist group Isis!

Stan: Judas!

Hooded Man in Costume: I dressed up as Bigfoot so people would stay away. 

Then the Hooded Man clapped his heads and a bunch of Isis members come to surround everyone.

Francine: AAAHHHHHH!!! I want to faint!

Hooded Man in Costume: I based this cult here in America in this town called Langley Falls, a small hick town where nobody knows anything. We wanted people out of these woods so we can plan terrorist attacks! And now that you all know my little secret, you all shall die! Now, who was the one that wanted to hunt me down?

Roger: Eeeep! Him! (points to Stan)

Hooded Man in Costume: We will kill you and your wife! After them!

Roger: Hey, terrorists! Why don't you go take a shi-ite?! (chuckles) Just thought I'd try out that joke. 

The Isis cult members chase Stan and Francine with Roger following. Steve, Barry, Toshi, and Snot decide to save Prinicipal Lewis. The hear Prinicipal Lewis scream for help.

Lewis: PLEASE! PLEASE!! HELP ME!!

Steve: No need to worry about my Dad. He is good at stuff like outsmarting terrorists, so how about we rescue Prinicipal Lewis from that cave?

Snot: If we do, he could give us special privledges! 

Steve, Barry, Toshi, and Snot found the cave Prinicipal Lewis was being held in. They see him all tied up to a ripped out tree.

Lewis: Thank god the calvary is here! Save me! Save me! (high pitched squeal) SAVE ME!

Snot: What did he say?

Barry: Think he said (imitates Lewis's pleas incoherentely)

Toshi slaps Barry. 

Snot: We'll have you out of here, Lewis! 

Barry: We're here to save you.

Steve (walking up to Lewis): Calm down! Rest assured you're saved!

Snot, Barry, and Toshi watched as Steve untied Prinicipal Lewis.

Lewis: Your parents used me as bait to catch Bigfoot.

Steve: That's my Dad all right. (to Snot, Barry, Toshi) Why are you guys watching me untie him? You all sickos?

Snot: Say now that we saved you, will you promote us to the next grade? 

Barry: Will you? Being a freshman is no picnic.

Prinicipal Lewis was untied now.

Lewis: I'll definately think about it.

Steve and his friends lead Prinicipal Lewis out of the cave.

Lewis (singing The Who's I'm Free): I'M FREE- I'm free, And freedom tastes of reality, I'm free-I'm free... Feel like Harriet Tubman!

 

Scene 11:

Porno For Pyros Tahitian Moon plays

Stan and Francine were being chased though the woods as the Isis Cult Members were chasing them. The Isis Cult Members also had torches, pitchforks, and swords. 

Isis Members: Must kill infidels! (ulvulating) Death to America! We must kill you for Allah! 

Stan: Roger! Call for help!

Roger was filming the chase on his iPhone. And was singing to the tune of Huey Lewis's Doing It All For My Baby. 

Francine: Call 911!

Roger (singing): Filming this all on my iPhone! Gonna post this to my Facebook!

Stan and Francine stopped as soon as they reached the ending that lead to a cliff.

Francine: This is how it's all going to end for us.

Stan: It doesn't have to. (sees the bottom of the cliff) We'll have to jump.

Francine: Are you insane? We'll get killed! 

Stan: Trust me, Francine.

Francine and Stan see the Isis members running and catching up with them. 

Stan: Ahhh, good. Keep it coming, terrorists...

Francine: I don't like the looks of this. I can't jump off the cliff!

Stan: We have no choice!

As the Isis Members were still chasing them, they were yards away from the edge of the cliff where Stan and Francine were.

Stan (carries Francine): Hold on tight! We're about to reanact the closing credits to.....

Francine screams as Stan jumps off the cliff while carrying her.

Stan (yelling as he was falling off the cliff): EEEEKKKKK!!!! THE CAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!!!

As Stan and Francine were falling off the cliff, the Isis members too jumped off the cliff and plummeted to their deaths. 

Isis Members: KILL THE AMERICANS! DEATH TO THE INFID....AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Then Stan presses a button on his American Flag pin on his coat and a parachute saves them. They watched as the Isis Members fell and landed to their bloody deaths.

Stan: My calcutions were correct! 

Francine: You had a parachute all along?

Stan: We CIA agents always need to carry one with us! Guess you can say this is a Parachuting Pickle! (laughs) Take THAT Tennessee Tuxedo!

Steve and Roger watched, Prinicipal Lewis, Snot, Barry, and Toshi were back at their campsite.

Roger: How dare Stan make fun of one of my favorite cartoons!

Steve: Tennesse Tuxedo?

Roger: No! Eek! The Cat! Tennessee Tuxedo was that penguin who was gay for that dumbass walrus Chumley.

Steve: I getcha!

Stan and Francine were at the bottom of the cliff. They were suurounded by the bloody corpses of the Isis Members. Stan's parachute had a picture of Jay Z and Beyonce on it.

Song Ends.

 

Francine: Wow! This has been an epic weekend for you, hasn't it?

Stan: The best, Francine! Epic indeed! Got to lead some Mideastern terrorists to their deaths! And I can't wait to see the looks on Jackson's, Bullock, Saunders, and Dick's faces! 

Francine (sees the parachute): Jay Z and Beyonce?

Stan: Hip Hop saved my life once again! 

Francine: It always has.

Stan: These Mideasterns aren't called suicide bombers for nothing! (laughs) 

That following Monday, Stan was bragging to his CIA Coworkers about his adventuresome weekend. This time Saunders, Bullock, Dick, and Jackson were all impressed. 

Stan: ...and then Bigfoot turned out to be a leader of a terrorist cult! Isis to be exact.

Bullock: Oooooh, my! What happened then?

Stan: Francine and I were being chased by the Isis cult members and we made them plummet to their deaths as we jumped off the cliff! Luckily I had a parachute. And THAT was what I did this weekend!

Jackson: Wow! Now I'M jealous!

Bullock: Well done, Smith! 

Saunders: Guess you are a weekend warrior!

Dick: Damn, wish I could kill some terrorists on a weekend!

Bullock: You know what, Smith? Since you've proven to us you're not a stiff, you can come with us to Nepal to climb Mount Everest!

Stan: YAY!! I get to have a fun weekend with you guys! Oh, and put that on my record. "Not a Stiff"!

Jackson: Consider it done! You earned yourself a place on the Hall of Fame! 

Then outside the CIA building, Stan was getting his picture taken. He had a severed bloody head of the Isis Cult Member. Then Stan's picture was on the Hall of Fame for 'Weekend Warriors'.

 

THE END

 

Closing Credits Scene


End file.
